BANG! Back with a massive Day 3 shredding climax of epic proportions. Yes, today was the day that we had been waiting for, released from the ‘captivity’ of the Bike Park and into the wild to hit the awesomeness of Coronet Peak. And, I need to issue a BIG post alert: This is big on photos, radness and if you’re at work, brain melting scenery. I respect if you start to hate on us after reading.

Day 3 is always a special day – Skills are up, fatigue is still manageable and usually, everyone is fizzing at the gash and ready for a big day. And, today was right in the honey hole on those points. As you can see, we’ve made ourselves quite at home here in the Dirty (literally) qTown HQ, with Wolf working through some bladder problems whilst Dok gives science advice from the couch:


“It just doesn’t work… I can’t control it”….”Get a new one cunt, keep that thing away from me”

Yes, today we were loading up with the boys from Queenstown bike taxis and heading up to the mecca of CP to hit the hot spots of Rude Rock, Skippers and Zoot. Yes, I have been here before when Mad Markus shredded me into oblivion, but today I was coming back with advanced weaponry and a fever to match. Lock and fucking LOAD:


Membership buys you privileges… Its a private session today

Before the shredding could commence though, there was the mandatory DN team photo shoot, sure we lost a few hours in wardrobe and with arranging the lighting, but the result was more than worth it. Here is the more PR friendly version of the final shoot:


One of these kids is not like the other one… black bike gang bang with matching T Shirts…

Before we had even started the radness however, we had our first award winner of the day… Yes, drum roll please! Wolf’s brand new SHAM Stealth Reverb seat post died on its 4th ride. Luckily for him, stuck in the down position, a ball sac saving outcome for the Wolf and more glee for me as I stencilled another dead Reverb outline on my kill board (this is the 5th, any time they want to issue that product recall is fine…). The boys though were more focused on something far more important though… Impersonating storm troopers:


This IS the track we’re looking for… Blast it

Yes, its RUDE ROCK time, or as the girls around these parts like to refer to it, Cock Rock, why is that you ask? Well, this is the less offensive angle of the famous rock in question:


“What are you cock heads looking at? Lets ride!”

We were straight into it, Rude Rock providing a harsh warm up, but that didn’t stop the Dok from pinning the fuck out of it, this spy shot highlighting the sidewall pressures he was pumping through the Maxxis Minions as he G’s it out through one of the ‘fuuccck this is fast’ drop ins:


Squashing it and looking for more radness ahead

Das Wolf was also on the hunt today, after all, this was Enduro bike friendly territory and the perfect place to let the Brondog off the leash and take the fight to the double fisting DH bikes:


“I can smell little red riding hood around here somewhere….”

How rad is Rude Rock? Well, its a genius piece of trail and on the second run the fever was peaking out massively. Its so good it makes people who usually ride around on 29ers want to go feral and jump up in the air, forget ‘What did the Fox say?’, how about ‘How did the Wolf fly?’:


In a bid to avoid another DEMOlition job, the Wolf and Brondog take to the air

Unfortunately throughout this highly advanced choreography session, in a moment of duress Herr Dokor delivered us the quote of the day when he incorrectly issued the instruction: “Come on me Wolf”, an extremely awkward moment for me as an artistic director, compounded by Wolf offering to do a high speed dismount to oblige:


Also highly possible this was a massive high speed save by Das Wolf

Did I mention that CP had also pulled out another one of those INSANE ripper weather days? I was quietly relieved and the boys were stoked beyond words at not only the scenery, but how mind melting the riding was… Wolf continued to literally jump out of his skin with excitement and that he had picked up the scent of the 3 little pigs:


Shot of the day? The Bronson takes to the air again

How were the DEMO’s faring on what I had considered to be a trail bike trail? Well, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was killing it and even though I had some super fucking scary moments due to the speed the Demo was carrying through some sections (particularly when I was going full gas and my ‘lock on’ grip came loose, fart noise), there was a lot of this action going down while we waited for the Enduro bike to arrive:


Boom! Another fisting delivered

I was pumped… Back on CP, riding in perfect weather… On a killer DH weapon, rolling with the Gravity boys and able to fart without anyone frowning. The scenery wasn’t too bad either. For once, I wasn’t the only one stopping constantly to say “fuuuuuck” and take photos:


Next stop – Skippers!

After 3 more than solid runs down Rude Rock and a VERY cool and highly coordinated video session in the bag (Dirty Video to come), it was time to hit the new track into Skippers. I had missed this last time, so was stoked to be able to hit it on this CP Reboot. Also, possibly the best named trail around these parts, so much so we just had to have a goofy photo taken in front of it:


“Did you take the Go Pro off your head so you don’t fuck the photo up?”….. “Cock”

The new track is GOLD… There was a lot to learn, but its another excellent addition to the already super hot trail action going down here. It also gave us some killer photo ops:


No one wants to leave… Ever.

Dave our shuttle dude had given us a bit of a heads up that there was “A little bit of exposure on the left“, Ah, which really means that its a fucking big cliff and if you go off, there is no way the rescue chopper can get you out of here. This is helped by really cool signs that actually say: “Don’t ride your bike off this cliff“, thanks cunts, you think? Focus now:


Look where you want to go… Look where you want to go… Etc etc…

On and on it goes… now a 6.5km downhill of fucking good times that will make your 3 day old hands and arms go “hmmmmm”, just when you need them the most:


A loooong way still to shred

Skippers was a hit, as I expected, but it was time to rock on with some Zoot runs and then back into town for a major change of scene. Heading back out of Skippers on the road of death, you get some real perspective on how cool the trail building is around these parts. The qTown MTB club clearly all Mensa members, with a overly strong dose of practicality and motivation to burn. Fucking good on them I say:


Ride that snake… The serpent of radness

A couple of high speed runs down Zoot trail turned out to be the perfect cream on the Coronet Peak Pav. I took the opportunity to try a new camera angle experiment, I like to call this the FIN action:


The boys chase down the trail shark

Ok, so no one wanted to really leave Coronet Peak, Wolf was especially upset when I confirmed to him that he couldn’t buy it and whilst it was some consolation that Dok could explain to us how the mountain worked (no, he really actually did), we only had so much shuttle time and had to not only refuel, but also hit the next new destination: Wynyards DH

This was a new stop on the DN tour, I hadn’t been here before, but had heard about it and it seemed to be the done thing whilst in town for a DH shred. Hmmmm… Well, with an average gradient of -14% over 1.1km, its fair to say it was a swift little piece of track:


Things are starting to squeal a little bit…

New trail, steepness, fatigue and post lunch malaise… It was tough to start with and an increase in nut mojo was needed. When we did start to get a grip on things though, we had a local shredder join us to punch the perspective reset button squarely in the face. Yes, at the start of the run he said to me: “Have you guys sorted out the creek gap jump yet?” I feigned an inability to speak english and laughed nervously whilst hiding in my full face helmet. Well, turns out this is the gap jump that he was referring to, giving us a display in what he meant:


“You guys should hit it on the next run”…. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that

Yes, we had turned up at an Alien infested landscape like a bunch of space marines without weapons and it was freaky shit… The boys take some time in the middle of the Wynyard killing fields to work out how the fuck this place actually works:


“How does that thing over there work Dok?”…. “Fuck Wolf, not even science understands this shit…”

6 or 7 runs of Wynyard DH blurred into a high speed afternoon of nerve testing riding, a total contrast to some of the stuff we had hit in the morning. I have been using Shimano Saint brakes for 4 years or so now and I can honestly say that today was the first time I have really put them under the pump. Why? Its that fucking Demo, that’s why… Stand back as I foam at the mouth all over again, but its SO fast that I am finding not only my own limits, but also the limits of the brakes!

So… A legendary day is booked into the DN archives and we finished up absolutely stoked at an awesome day on the trails. It was a sensational session thanks to Queenstown Bike Taxis and the Gravity boys. Awards time:

  • Best product award – Maxxis Minion DH tires… They have been awesome on this trip, its like being stapled to the ground and then having glue poured all over you before being thrown off a mountain side. Useful
  • Cuntponentry award – No competition here, dananana na… another one bites the dust, yes, another Reverb seat post in the group dies in an extremely short space of time. Just when I thought it was safe to perhaps get one on my next Nomad, Das Wolf’s one expiring as reaffirmed my view of these things: Rubbish
  • Favourite trail – Hands down winner today was the Rudest of all Rocks. Yes, it was pure gold today and offered up a lot more grip than last time I was here. Also far more DH bike friendly than I thought it would be, which leads us to the next point;
  • Trail bike reaming update – Well, it did have moments when it showed some promise against the DH bikes, but ultimately the braking bumps and high speed gaaaaaaa sections means that the trail bike had its nose pinched a bit today. Dok and I also pushed slowly up any inclines, blocking the trail like cunts, thus negating any advantage there. Wynyard DH also provided a chance to force feed the trail bike like a Goose, gobble gobble baby!

Tomorrow its back to the park and a major news story: Wolf will be on a DH bike! Stay tuned for that BIG low down. Thanks to these two GC’s for making today extremely rad:


“Wolf, give me that Pirate/retard face thing that you did for us in TP”

2 Responses

  1. Matt

    Agree with Shep. Post some photos of shit weather and broken wheels or I’m not reading any more.


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