One of the raddest things about riding in Perth in summer (and most of the year apparently) is that you can pretty much be guaranteed of awesome blue skies when you wake up. There’s no hesitation about the alarm going off… No nervous peeking out the window… Just up, out and get set to get your freak on. And so it was for day 3 in Perth, but it was easy to tell early it was going to be a mega hot one. Finally too, some Dirty Video today! See below…

Given it was the last day of riding in Perth (etiquette dictates I loan the Dok back to his family for Christmas celebrations), it was key we utilised the DN Tee’s for what they were designed for – Pre & Apres Shredding photo posing:


Did you want the medium or large dirty combo?

For the final Perth sesh it was back to Gunjin to hit some of the stuff we didn’t do on Saturday, as well as a rerun of a few goodies. After the world’s most aggressive warm up run down Lancaster (I nailed a few things I balked on last time, a good sign the mojo is on the improve), Dok took the opportunity to get a flat tire, so as per my usual MO, I got into ‘Nomad in the wild’ photo shoot mode whilst not helping out with the tube change, what a good cuuuuunt:


Every day you grow more beautiful…

Dok was intrigued about the now famous Tour OF Bintan ‘Its impossible to self felate’ challenge that the Goat & Snozza lost, determined he could use physics, his science power and greater leverage to defeat the test, deciding now was the opportune moment for an attempt:


“But science demands with the right leverage it has to be possible”

Luckily for me and the flies the challenge claimed another victim, its now 3-0 thankfully, a win streak that I suspect will remain unbroken. Post tire faffing, we were on to Scorpion, which was my current favourite trail in the park and not just because it had a good sign or was a handy place to take photos of your awesome carbon Mountain Bikes:


Lying in ambush to assassinate any 650 bitches that come along…

Scorpion is fisting pumpingly good fun and we had a ripping run down it… The end in particular is gold, with full gas smashing through pine trees. It engenders high stoke factor and classic DOOOOOOSH form, as seen here in this example of how to celebrate a good run:

BOOM! Its grouse maaaaaate

BOOM! Its grouse maaaaaate

We then ground our way up the aptly named Rocky Balboa climb to get into some new stuff I hadn’t ridden before. Climbing on long travel trail bikes can be tricky, but the combo of well made Perth trails and the CCDB rear shock made the grind a lot more palatable than usual. Once up there, Dok served up some more ladder action and loose off camber gnar:


“Can you Fllllyyyyy Jimmy?!”

But, in true Dok style, he had once again saved the best for last… We hit Mercury Street to take us back to Truckosaurus, and I am super glad that we did. It wasn’t the steepest trail, nor did it have the biggest features… or the most gnar. But, it was the most FUN and it was fast, hence it gets the Dirty Trail of the Trip award for Perth. And, after a fuuuuucking painful evening, here it is on video – Enjoy a good dose of motion sickness as I work my ass off keeping up with the Dok on this golden piece of trail:

Its hard to explain the feelings that riding a trail like this engenders… The speed, the ducking and weaving, the flow… Working with your beast of a machine as an awesome tag team while trying to keep up with your homeboy as the elastic expands and contracts based on each others skills. Ultimately this is an example of why we love mountain biking, its very hard to recreate its awesomeness when rider, bike and trail all collide in the right conditions and settings.

A Dirty tech tip – The old Go Pro 2 and iMovie 9 combo was gold and easy to work with to get videos on-line… Upgrading to Go Pro 3+ and iMovie 10 has been a total blow out. I suspect that most of the issue is with iMovie 10, which I found as useful as a cock flavoured lollypop and have ultimately ditched it to go back to 9. After many hours and lots of C bombs, I finally managed to pull the above average video edit together, which unfortunately doesn’t do the awesomeness of the raw Go Pro footage any justice! More vids to come assuming I don’t lose my mind.

Perth isn’t JUST about riding and CUBS though, no, it has a lot to offer… First up, the beach. A tad windy, but refreshing… Given my epic shark phobia, I had a great swim 3 feet into the water, any further out would have triggered a sharknado:


I know they are waiting for me…

Then, for something totally different (and I really mean that), sister had arranged for a Float… Yes, WTF you are thinking, well, get a load of this:


Full womb simulator

What do you do in there? Well, you nude up, get in, close the blast shield and then float in it for an hour. How do you float? Well, that thing is rammed with so much salt that you do actually really float… No shit. Adding to the experience, its completely pitch black in there… Is it relaxing? VERY… takes a few mins to get over the WTF factor, but you do end up fully chilled out, a bonus.

A massive Dirty thanks to Herr Doktor for the awesome MTB Tour of Perth and 3 days of great riding… Extra thanks to Mrs Doktor for world champion level patience whilst we disappeared for hours on end to talk golden shit, shred and smash junk food. I would massively recommend anyone to come here, the road riding looked good as well and Perth is an awesome place to visit. You will absolutely need a rental car though, its rather wide to get around.

Its almost Christmas time!! Santa must be getting ready to bring me my V10c all the way from Santa Cruz HQ! Can’t wait…

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One Response

  1. Cas

    My GOPRO3 is officially now a NOGOPRO as it freezes every 3th button push. Returned it and might get a new one before my ski trip next week. Otherwise I’ll be stuck with my old CUNTOUR… which is not to bad, but it doesn’t do autowhitebalance…

    Talking gadgets connecting the CUNTOUR/GOPRO to the ZEAL goggles ( makes it the ultimate gadget face wear !

    waiting for ZEAL to combine the GPS with the HD in the goggle !


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