So, here we are, penultimate HTRR from the Volcanic Epic, and clearly it’s not sponsored by the Tokoroa Tourism Board, as late last night we received the word that due to some extreme course vandalism, the start time for Day 3 was going to be pushed back to 10am from the usual 8am.
Said vandals, AKA cunts, had decided to remove all the course marking and taping from the section shown here in red, on private land:
Whilst people set about cursing said cuntbags, that chorus got slightly quieter when we awoke to the news that the course would be reduced from the advertised 48km’s for the day to 32km’s instead – My legs and inner survivalist were quietly rejoicing, but more on that later.
In the mean time, we had more time to sit around in the motel which I am 69% sure has been a murder scene before, ignoring human contact to focus on all the apps I loathe on my phone. Semi Pro lyfe has it’s privileges:
Yes, joined today with reinforcements from AT, DN Global Collective member in town to race the 2 Day edition, which overnight got a whole lot more straightforward.
But not straightforward to the Volcanic Epic crew or the local MTB club, so a massive shout out to Tim Farmer and all the volunteers who did a huge power shift of reorganising and contingency plan activation to allow the show to go on, legends. We salute your response when faced with utter fuckbaggery to put on a race course at such short notice.
As I sit down to write this, I am feeling rather fingered, and not just because I’ve been to Cougar Park – Amazing fun fact, The Rodfather isn’t the Head Keeper here, a point which confused many of us today. At least the late start meant we were freezing our Bandito asses off, but also more on that later part 2.
Having only ever sped through Tokoroa with the doors locked, I was intrigued to see what the forest was like, after all, The Creator has been up here unleashing his skills and building happiness, so I was pumped to see what was in store.
So to it turns out, were my fellow competitors – And arriving 20 mins before the allotted start time was not enough to avoid the cardinal sin of Bandito racing: Starting at the back of the grid:
Fucking fuck – I was lined up for a solid fisting here, my previous 2 days of Robbie McEwen style starting at the front and slowly slipping back down the pack in a controlled manner now up smoke, it was clear that today was going to be a different set up.
So, the thing is with Mountain Bikers, if you give them a shorter course, what do they do? Yup, they race it faster, and this absolutely applied to what felt like the most frenetic start of the race so far. As anticipated, I was mired deeply in traffic and negotiating it necessitated an investment of energy I didn’t feel comfortable making given the sneaky hard day looming tomorrow in Vegas.
I was now riding with people I’d never seen before, my Dirty bubble taking a heavy breathing pounding as people clearly felt the need to drill this shortened stage like tomorrow was optional. Admittedly I found myself struggling to adapt to both the new track position reality and the pace.
Why no tactical piss today I hear you ask? Well, the later start resulted in something that hasn’t happened so far this week – Sweating running down the forehead, muthafucka was indeed hot and I was dying every time we got to one of those roasting 4WD sections which dotted the course.
The other part that was unusual was getting loose AF, I think it was the joy of seeing berms again which encouraged the inner Enduro fiend to come out and while it may look like a pumice type vegas berm, there was enough clay in places to make shit spicy. After a few Holy Fucking Hesus moments, it was time to invoke the Yolanda Protocol and “Bitch, be cool” given there was still a long way to go.
Fun little park going on in Tokoroa, especially loved the deep forest sections which appeared to have been lovingly groomed for the event, so kudos to the local team. BamBam also got the stoke going, some berm art work on display there.
But the shortened day did not make life any easier and things were definitely not fluid… While no Master Alarms were going off, the lack of preparation was starting to creep in on the edges. Not helping with the mind games was the placement of the old course 10km to go sign appearing at the 17km in mark, which I logically determined was incorrect, even if I desperately wanted it to be true.
Much to my amusement, I did get to witness one mixed pair, the male component egging his partner on to sprint the last KM (she obliged) based on an incorrect data point – The mental anguish when we then came across the correct 5km’s to go sign was palpable.
But even I got the fever, and after jamming probably one too many gels in, I suspect I invested too much effort getting up the final climb of ‘Sabre Tooth’ and down ‘Speedy Cheetah’ to the finish, but what a great combo of trails, and given they were in the more established forest, both were bangers.
Kudos to AT, who brought it home 5th in M40 for the 2 Day crew. Fucking nice bike too…
Right, for those of you with a penchant for structure and consistency, to the bullet pointed numbers:
- Results wise – Slipped back to 19th out of 47 in M40, which felt about right given I never felt like I adapted to a different pace and was road kill on the 4WD sections.
- Numbers wise – 32km’s, 694m of climbing and 1 hours 51 min ride time. Contextually, M40 winner did it in 1.36. Fastest pair of Matt Wilson and Cam Jones did it in 1.23… FFS
- Mental torture wise – I think nudging towards 8/10, being stuck in traffic down the back, unable to make any real progress and only to see any that I did make gunned down on the gravel sections sowed a few seeds of doubt around resilience and longevity… Troublesome when you consider the final day in Vegas has DOUBLE the climbing and it comes mostly in the first 30kms or so.
Given that, may pull up ok after my stomach savaging recovery routine, or could end up Wallaby stew for Sunday night dinner. Here’s to Coke 3 out of 4 to knock off another Epic day!
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