No, I haven’t suddenly become dyslexic… I just needed to grab attention and set the scene for the crux of day 3 here in the DH MTB centre of the universe. Lets crack straight into it shall we?


Special day this one, time to test a V10! As if I needed reminding, when walking into the demo centre, its there waiting for me… whispering to me… waving… Blowing a kiss even?

I'll just wait here for you... Naked... Take your time x

I’ll just wait here for you… Naked… Take your time x

It was a case of straight into the singles lift queue (ok, so this is one of the few advantages of being a wolf pack of one, basically you skip the queue and get straight on a lift every time). Direct to the top of B Line for my first run on Carbon Fibre downhill mountain biking perfection, here was my weapon of mass shredding for 2 hours (free test, boom):

I hope you're ready for me with those little arms?

I’ve been rented out to T-Rex?! I hope you’re ready for me with those little arms!

How did it go? I could talk about how it carved the turns, set new fastest times down my favourite runs and ate up braking bumps like the Wolf machining a Royale with Cheese, but it may be better to let this selfie I took do the talking for me:

Its all about the eyes

Its all about the eyes

Would have been significantly cooler to not be wearing my lift pass out (practically over fashion) and not to mention my Teletubby Go Pro appendage (again, a black mark for the device that hates me… but the video footage is worth the look), peekaboo:

Which way to Val di Sole please?

Which way to Val di Sole please?

The V10c was an awesome machine… Its only downside? I did a few runs and thought, wow, this is cool… On the 3rd run I accidentally rode it way above my normal ability level and the fucker came ALIVE! A couple more moments like this on the 3rd and 4th run and it made sense to me… This is a world cup level bike and like a porn star, the harder you ride it, the better it gets and the more it can do. For roadies, consider this – When you’re riding your aero wheels at 30kph, they aren’t really doing much for you, but get them into the mid 40’s and they are paying you back with interest… catch being its hard to ride in that zone (unless you’re an english pain robot with your mouth hanging down). On the road its a question of fitness… But to ride the V10 to its proper operating levels its about ball sac size, it seems that for 80% of the time my nut circumference was incompatible with what the V10 demanded, but that aside it was still an awesome machine.

So, did I do it? Did I go back down and cry “Wrap it!” (or more appropriately, build it), alas no… practicality beat bike purchasing fever and instead I will wait, I know that this will disappoint my Gravity brothers, but we do need a project for next year right? (I am appealing to common sense… I know, its SO uncool)


After returning the Gnar destroying machine of death to the demo centre it was time for another waist line expanding lunch, I seem unable to order anything remotely healthy here, which is going to punish me in future trips, but I will deal with that in due course. Then it was back on the Bullit for some more laps.

Why a Dummy? Well, twofold really… Firstly I let the Bullit see me taking the V10 out for a test, in fact worse than that, I parked it in the racks at the demo centre so it could watch the whole thing unfold… Clearly this led to some mixed emotions and as such, it was time for payback from the bikes perspective.

Secondly, I dropped straight into B-line in the same manner I had done 4 times this morning on the V10, kids, you don’t fly an old 747 the same way you fly an F22 stealth fighter, but the burger I had for lunch had dulled my brain and so it seems, my reactions…


It had to happen at some stage… You don’t come here for 10 days and not have a crash, its pretty much guaranteed. The only question is severity. In a perverse way I am almost pleased to have it out of the way so to speak…

What happened? I am not sure to be honest, but crash investigators have been able to piece together that the pilot thought he was still riding a world champion and world cup crushing piece of equipment when in fact he wasn’t… Attempting to drop in and carve the first sweeping left hander, instead of tracking, hooking up and flicking me through the turn into the next berm, the back end did something I had forgotten it does, it skipped, bucked and then flicked me straight into the ground. Over in seconds and of course, I landed on my shoulder on the one part that wasn’t armoured, cheers Leatt for making a vest that has armour on the sides, front and not the back, handy. But thank you 661, your chaffing is ignored and love reinstated:

Dirty... Not so Nomadic

Dirty… Not so Nomadic

After this incident and ensuing pain, it was time for a break… back to the hotel to relax. By now my finger had also decided enough was enough and was hurting more and more (pre crash), so I hooked up a physio appointment. I decided to try a couple of laps before the appointment and much to my horror the pain in my finger had escalated significantly and so it was off to see the physio as I was now struggling to get my glove off without face contorting and wookie noise making pain.

Back to being a Dummy…

Physio’s seem to know straight away what is up and he quickly outlined I have Tenosynovitis, I had to google it, but basically it means I have a dumb left braking finger. I asked how it happens and he said that basically you get it from being a pussy and braking too much or from having shit old saint levers set up badly (I may potentially be paraphrasing a little there). We then had this conversation:

  • PH: “So have you crashed?”
  • Me: “No… Its been sore for a while”
  • PH: “So what’s that mark on your arm?”
  • Me: “Oh, I crashed this afternoon, but I don’t think its related at all”
  • PH: “Really? Are you a physio c*nt?”
  • Me: “No, I’m a Gynaecologist”
  • PH: “Well, was it worse after the crash?”
  • Me: “Maybe… Are you looking for validation?”
  • PH: “Well, you have crashed directly onto the part of your wrist that houses the top of the tendon that links to the finger you have pain in… Let me apply searing massage pain to it to prove my point”

Note – Accuracy of recollection of conversation approx 80%

So… it was an early retirement from the slopes. Apparently I need 3 to 5 days off riding, but with only 6 days left here I think that’s unlikely, so I am now taped up and have a new range of pain killers to inhale. On to todays awards:


  • Kiwis – We may not be able to pronounce vowels at all when we speak, but fuck we are decent people. Met some lovely kiwis on the lift today and they actually chatted, a good change from the usual silence or someone who is 15 saying “It was so sick when I tripled that section on dirt merchant”
  • V10 – What can I say? No wonder the Syndicate team are so stoked all the time, this thing is THE bike to have if you want to ride downhill, just has to be regularly to justify it and you have to be able to actually ride it full gas, otherwise you could start to resemble an old man racing his porsche badly
  • 661 guards – Thank you, I am graze free and happy about that, sure, you got ripped up, but you did your job, bravo.


  • Rock Shox Boxxer forks – Yes, I hate all SRAM (SHAM, SCAM) products, but thats two mornings in a row where my hands have looked at me and said WTF? You are embarrassed as a fork by the Italian stallion 888, now take your mincey stanchions and fuck off out of here…
  • Me and my ‘Dad braking’ – Kudos to Northern Trainee for this phrase… Whilst this morning I soared like a cruise missile on it way through a window, the afternoon was about braking like your dad, way too much and at bad times (really, in the apex of the berm? FFS), no wonder I am fingered.

T Shirt of the day – This is as good as I saw today, probably not too funny if you have little kids AND a bear phobia, but its sending a community message to be heeded, I can speak from sort of experience:

Eat me

Eat me

Trail of the day – It was a composite winner today, I have been chopping it up like a sushi chef with rabbis, I hit the B-line, Ninja Cougar, Samurai Pizza Cat, Lower A-line combo and it was very cool, V10 powered of course, it made me do it.

Celebrity watch – Rumour has it from several people that Steve Smith (world cup podium star) is in the park shredding it up at the moment, I hope to fuck I don’t see him, especially on A-line.

Parting gift for today? How about this for a drop in? Part of the Crankworx slopes style course being built. Now its clear why its invitation only and why you need no sense of fear to ride it, I can’t even conceptualise it, for me it screams “DIE”:

How big is the drop? Can I roll it?

How big is the drop? Can I roll it?

Tomorrow has sleep in written all over it…

One Response

  1. Herr Doktor

    T-Rex rents a T-Rex. No wonder it rode so well, there was no weight on the front.
    Great writing, keep smashing burgers, trails and yourself.


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