The traditional rest day… Which is good until the sleep in is over and then you realise that there is no riding and almost every decent cafe on the Island is closed. To make it worse, I decided in was errand day and was therefore presented with a rolling buffet of the cuntiest and most illogical customer service known to man. But… Rather than focus on that, lets get amongst the Dirty Random Round Up action that this Monday has dished up:

First up – Did you fucking see Sagan at E3?! Don’t worry, neither did the boys from OPQS, who committed the ultimate sin of getting fucked good and proper in a 2 v 1 situation. It was almost the ‘Gilbert vs The overly amorous brother’ scenario all over again. The way he drilled them at the end would have made even Lex Steele go “Damn boy, that’s some craaaazy shit right there! Smash that”. More of this please Mr Sagan:


“You only sent two guys? Shame… Hiding behind road furniture won’t help either…”

This kind of beat down is making the Cannondale Synapse look good right now, forget the ‘endurance’ tag, clearly its up to the task. So much so, that a man with very discerning taste and more than an eye for numbers decided to pull the trigger on none other than a Black Ops Synapse recently. This is the first one I have ever seen and it looks sweeeeet. High 5 to the Teacher for unleashing another Black Ops rig on the world, via the gang at Trailmix Melbourne:


Good enough for Peter… And for the Teacher

Further up the coast line, one of the Cannasia old boys has given his Evo the Zipp 404 treatment… Given my previous history with this model and the SHAM ownership, I initially frowned on this purchase, especially given Diesel’s penchant for grabbing gear by the scruff of the neck and ramming it until it breaks. But, he was wise enough to get the latest model with the new hub, so DN will be watching with interest to see how many warranty claims he can squeeze out here:


Have to admit… Looks pretty sharp…

Let’s just remember – We are talking about a man that once melted 7 Alu handlebars in 14 months, plus, recently got so into a KOM reaming session that he decided he needed to snap his power tap hub, yes, spot the missing piece of Alu here, Power Snap anyone?


“Guys, why does it say ERROR on the screen? Does it only read up to 1500w?”

Speaking of hammering the shit out of stuff… Here is one of the final pieces in the Dirty Jigsaw puzzle that I have been bread crumbing all over the show over the last few weeks… This one particularly perplexing. It appears to be an exercise bike from the set of the movie ‘The Hostel’, either that or a maximum security penitentiary in some country you don’t want to be arrested in:


Strapped down and forced to use an Exercise bike from 1978 – Torture chamber

There are only a handful of men that big, that can sweat that much and do so whilst surviving with size 40 feet… But what does this have to do with anything? Who would allow themselves to be forced to do such hideous punishment with those shorts on and those shoes?! Its getting close to a scene from Rocky VIII. Hopefully by Friday this week, ALL will be revealed!

One thing that we have been pleased about this week here at DN – One of our favourite shit holes has finally come to its senses and joined the rest of the modern world in respecting and appreciating the MILF. We’ve long advocated for this to be taken on as a serious matter, so its good to see that Manila have gotten on board. As we like to say, don’t fight the MILF, love the MILF:


I bet the after pact signing party was gooooood!

Speaking of MILF’s (including ones in progress), a quick DN movie endorsement that has nothing to do with cycling, but make sure you get along to the new Captain America movie. Basically its two hours or so of perfection, interrupted annoyingly by some dude running around in blue PJ’s with a swimming cap on his head:


“Is that a bearded guy hiding behind a tree trying to take iPhone photos to whatsapp to his cycling friends? Again?!”

And finally today from the What The FUUUCK file, getting up at 4.45am for training is alarming enough on its own, but what happens when you get to the meet point to find weird tantric shit going down? This team member is reasonably lucky we’re not armed with Tazers:


“Yeah… But Nah… But yeah… But Nah… But… Fook I hope no one sees me doing this… Wait….”

A big Dirty shout out to Shaneo and his rather nasty collarbone injury – Get well soon mate and I hope they have now given you the Aussie dose of painkillers, i.e. enough to kill a horse. We’ll miss you at the Wednesday session this week brother.

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