Woah, Mid Feb and its taken me a loooong time to come out with the usual ‘WTF is going on?/Me Me Me’ post which acts as a rambling preview as to what’s coming up on the Mission side of the Dirty Business. Well, that delay in part can be summed up with this classic and cliche avoidance phrase which really says: “I can’t be fucked explaining all the weird decision points that led us to this current situation“:

Its complicated

Not that it should be of course, its not like I’m trying to discover gravity waves or design a new type of gel that doesn’t make you fart like a drunk stripper. In reality its just about travelling around and riding and shit… But, unlike previous Dirty years, 2016 hasn’t wanted to line up with arms overflowing with radness as easily as its older brothers.

To illustrate this, lets re-cap on the first example this year where FOMO has become just straight up MO. Yes, I had already planned out 1H16 (that’s cuntspeak for Jan – June 2016) and one of the BIG moments was going to be the Dodzy Memorial Enduro.

Why was this such a big deal? Aside from the fact that its notoriously hard to get into and all of the NZ MTB Royalty would be in attendance? Well, its the only time each year mere public mortals can get in to ride what are referred to as “some of the best trails in NZ“, a big call as you can imagine! I shall allow this great little clip from Spoke mag elaborate on the Legend and location in question:

In the end, it was a combo of painful logistics and thinking perhaps it wasn’t the best first ride back on an MTB in 3 months and 1 broken C2 that saw my much sought after entry get snapped up by someone else. I was going to link to the race video, but it was so rad that I was sick in my mouth that I missed it.

With the DME been and gone, its time to refocus on the big question of what next? Have I slipped into the clutches of complacency here? Am I still ENDURO as fuck, or is it time for a change in flavour? 2013 was rammed with adventure and all sorts of variety… 2014 was also a star and 2015 pulled itself out of the clutches of all sorts of cunty injuries to be a fucking legend as well.

But there’s a dark secret that 2016 has… Its the first time I’ve gone into a new year without a plane ticket booked anywhere… A dark omen? But there was still the EWS lottery to look forward to! Exciting… Drum roll please!!!!! Tell him what he’s won Bob!



Yes, got into the two South American rounds at the end of March/Early April, right bang on as I had planned for and targetted! Not often you can say that about a lottery outcome. Some may recall I have even wanked on about this as a target in previous updates… Bring me your fist pumps in plentiful supply.

But then something strange happened that I haven’t experienced before when it sunk in that I was registered, paid for and legit to go and have my eyeballs burned out of my skull at the sight of Sir Grubby on a Specialized.

Furthermore, this strange feeling crept up on me before I even looked at the logistical challenges and travel costs of the Chile/Argentina double header:


The Airline cost probe always finds it’s mark

Yes, I was suddenly struck with a distinct case of ‘not being as stoked as I should be‘… WHAT… THE… FUCK?! Yes, how dare I?! Am I allowed to be anything other than in full turbo froth mode? After all, I’m the cunt that even wrote about how pumped I was on the EWS!

Holy shit, here I am standing around with the golden ticket and wondering if I actually wanted it. Sweat started to form on my furrowed brow… Did I already have Zika virus before even arriving in South America? What if the ENDURO community found out about my flaccid state of mind? A well deserved lynching would be in order…


He’s not rad and frothing! BURN HIM

If you’re as confused as I am and slowly pursing your lips to push out the word ‘Pussy’ with a heavily pronounced ‘P‘, I think its come down to three things that have me sitting on the fence about the much Hyped South American adventure (yes, I’ve only talked about it since August last year):

  1. Cost – If you’ve followed a few trips you’ll know that I’m not famous for skimping on a Dirty Mission. But after my advanced planning session I had a big ‘Holy Fuck’ eyebrow raised. Could I really justify the costs I was looking at, especially when linked to the next point…
  2. Confidence – Yeah, so I’ve had two MTB rides since the neck breaker, well, beginner XC style rides through some of the world’s tamest jungle to be precise. Not exactly champagne popping material in the confidence stakes, especially when I cast a middle aged eye over 12 months ago…
  3. The ghost of DM2 – I remember struggling like a beginner through a very high percentage of the Rotorua EWS round… Relevancy? That was about the same scenario of coming back from injury and competing in a big event. However, that was at the end of the luxury of Dirty Mega March, which had a shit load of rad riding to help me prepare… I won’t be so lucky this year and I am loathe to repeat that feeling of pant shitting in 2016.

OMFG x A Billion, how is this for FWP? Yes, First World Problems for those of you that are non-cunty and don’t live your life through acronyms.

Being authentic for a moment though, here’s a key thing to remember – All those things I have listed above can be overcome if you’re really passionate about something. I had this epiphany as I was trying to wank on to someone about all the reasons why it was a bit tricky going to South America, and yes, they’re all perfectly robust ‘excuses’ for not going… And yes, that’s all they are – Excuses.

So, it begs the question: Have I lost the mojo for racing or big, ‘out of the comfort zone’ adventures? Or, it raises another question more generally:

Should you invest in an adventure if you’re not massively passionate about it just because you think you should? Or because you think anyone else would?

We can conclude at this stage that A) I’m not as intrepid as I thought and B) I have too much time on my hands to over anal-yse what is a pretty straightforward situation.

In an attempt to try and sort out all this ridiculousness I have therefore locked in a mission which blasts off next week, watch this space for the briefing, which will allow me to not only ponder my own comfort zones, but hopefully sort out the motivational mojo issues that are currently making 2016 look about as exciting as Kayne West’s appeals for money. To be continued…

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