Well, it is getting close to that time of the year where for most cyclists there is a 95% chance Santa will fuck up what you really want present wise for the 25th… To be fair, we are a notoriously hard group to buy for and not many people outside our world understand the difference between a Carbon Clincher and a Carbon Tub. Its especially difficult to tell your loved ones that the ENVE wheels they got you have the wrong colour decals to match your frame, oh man, how awkward. Even reverting to trying to buying us cycling socks is high risk, colour and length issues & protocols result in the present killing fields for friends and family.

But, it appears that this year you may have a better than average chance of getting the right cycling gift, as Santa has realised he has an issue and reached out to acquire a new Elf to help him out! In these exclusive SPY shots from the North Pole (basically), we can see that Roberto has been out and about helping Santa get his cycling shit wired for 2013. Yes, he may have been sick for the last 9 months with every strain of flu know to man, pig and monkey, but it takes more than that to stop the man that introduced 007 to Martini’s. As they say in Die Hard movies, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow:


The best way to beat a cold – Freeze it to death

Clearly there is some communication issues in the North Pole, Roberto asked for a snowmobile and instead was provided with a Shitmobile, but, never one to be deterred, here he is doing his best to make this work, Santa loves a trier:


“You fuckity fuck fuck… I have to get to Santa’s house! Can’t let those cock Reindeer beat me”

Once free from the deep snow, Roberto was off to a ‘cycling present working group meeting’ at Santa’s HQ on what appears to be an Ultegra equipped old school bike, the pink particularly fetching. Rob’s penchant for pain going full gas here as he rocks the Cannasia summer kit in minus 20 temps… and smiles:


Is he an Elf? A Spy?  Nobody knows, but fuck he must be COLD

Well Santa and chief Elf Spy Roberto, if you ARE reading DN this week, jingle fucking bells then, this is what I WANT! Sure, they are $11k USD and only 25 have been made, but we are talking about the Greg Minnaar World Champ replica V10c. DOOOOOOOOOSH:


The only time I would want anything with a South African flag on it

Yip… This is pretty much the only thing I can think of that I want for Christmas, that and any product with the word ENDURO on it… Or anything Rapha (Size Medium), aside from the shaving cream, which clearly I have zero use for.

And, whilst on the topic of Christmas presents, a whole of you will be getting one of these from Dirty Santa, seen here on debut at Singapore’s #1 MILF watering hole in Tanglin mall:


EXACTLY what this T Shirt was designed for… Slightly Machiavellian grin sold separately

You better be good… You better not shout… Dirty Nomad is coming to town!

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One Response

  1. Diana

    Phew…lucky I’ve read this post…the socks and undies are going straight back to the Warehouse!


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