How do you follow up a Friday night of Crit fever and action early on a Saturday morning? How about a cruise around the regular spots with a couple of PRO’s? Sounds like a reasonable way to kick off the weekend.
Worth noting that I have a chequered history when it comes to blowing my load when in the company of cycling celebrities… Causing either awkwardness, or just downright garish experiences. Here is some of my finest work from the 2010 Tour, Bjarne doing his best to try and ignore my attempt to dress like a German tourist and take the most unsolicited photo in his entire career:
“How about a photo Bjarney?”…. “Please fuck off, immediately”
Yip…. So many things wrong with that shot that it could almost deserve its own post (The TDF cap and T shirt being a good start point). There is NO shame.
Anyway… Back to the future and thanks to the Snoz connection, we were fortunate enough to have the chance to head out with a couple of hard men that happened to be in town for the OCBC Crit. Firstly we had Tommy Nankervis on the ride, who had been busy the night before making the pain in the PRO crit after a career of racing in the US, Tommy is back down under to drop the hammer in the NRS and local UCI races. Who else was out? Well, none other than Jeremy Hunt… Yes, the ex Team Sky Jez Hunt, classics hardman… Sprinter… Enforcer and has been known to make cobbles his bitch from time to time. 2009 being a pretty good year for Jez:
- 1st Stage 4 Tour of Denmark
- 3rd Kuurne–Brussels–Kuurne
- 10th Gent–Wevelgem
- 19th Paris–Roubaix
Not to mention – Two times British National Champion AND was there in that lead out train that delivered Cav to his world champs jersey in 2011.
Before things even got underway, Jez and I were both horrified that the memo about team kit and particularly, the shorts, had been SO badly ignored. If there was ever a day for a perfect turn out, today was it. I had so many OCD alarm bells ringing I could barely manage to embarrass myself with paparazzi style photo taking. I could read Jez’s mind though as he surveyed the scene:
“I wonder if I can quietly sneak away from these mismatched cunts… There is definitely something wrong with that Scot”
From this point on I did a horrendous job of taking photos, mainly as I was the donkey for the ride, taking the instruction to lead it out a little too seriously by sitting on the front for 2.5 hours. But, the upside was I managed to avoid my usual MO of shooting my load whenever I get near PRO’s/Famous people with ridiculous commentary or poor photo taking etiquette. My “Must stay cool like motherfucking Fonzi” approach lasting well. Until we got to coffee:
Everyone is smiling… Except the guy that is scared/doesn’t want to be stalked
Yes, under the guise of getting a few “team photos”, I went about my Dirty work and made everyone feel mildly uncomfortable. But, to be fair my efforts were put into the shade by Frazzle blowing any semblance of cover when interviewing Tommy about the PRO crit from the previous evening. As any form of coolness slowly surrendered to verbal diarrhoea, the crowning achievement was the question: “Could you have won the Crit?”. Worth noting, that wouldn’t be my ‘go to’ question for a PRO the night after a hard race.
Still, the boys were a great bunch to chat to and roll with – The war stories from Classics racing being a particular hit for a rather captive audience. Its always very cool to come to the realisation that even though their threshold is like, twice yours, they still love cycling in exactly the same way you do. We even managed to rope them into a motley crew shot out the front of our Coffee HQ:
I’m busy apologising for the multiple kit violations… Through clenched teeth
The best thing about rolling with dudes that have absolutely been there and done that… And then done it a few more fucking times for good measure is the tips and tricks that they can pass on (and yes, they are a step up from the ones I tend to dish out). The cool thing too was that talking to the boys didn’t make you feel like you were that low down the food chain either. It was just like rolling with your regular homeboys, good, functional and decent advice on tap. If you’re sitting at home looking at your bike and that new Power Meter you paid a shit load of cash for, but aren’t sure what to do with it, then might I suggest that you head here and tap into the WORD on what to do next: http://cyclingtraining.cc
Best of all, the guys get that you want to keep riding with your crew, but train properly, which I think is a vast improvement over some coaching programmes, which encourage you to become best mates with your Power Meter and no one else, which is more at the cunty end of the spectrum. Keep that shit real.
Rolling back from coffee, the Goat let his emotions boil over and he tried to drop the hammer on the J&T show. They appeared to have it covered and Jez mentioned it was strange to be able to cover a full gas attack and still stay in Zone 1:
“Lets drop the hammer Nomaaaaad!”… Sometimes you can’t back up a team mate
Thanks to Snozza for the hook up and to Dan, Tommy and Jez for a great ride and some cool chats on the sport we all love and fever so much for. Apologies if at times some of us foamed at the mouth a little, we’ll work on that for next time.
A shit end to the weekend unfortunately though… Sunday morning’s long ride coming to abrupt end when Shaneo was unexpectedly cut down by the cuntiest of road features in the form of a front wheel swallowing groove around one of those equally cunty metal plates that are so popular around here. A broken collarbone and rather large titanium plate the end result. Get well soon mate, recover fast! Always one to find a silver lining, the Goat wasn’t going to miss the chance to get an Ambo motor pacing session in on the way to the Hospital:
“Alright alright alright… Lets get a fucking move on diiickheads”
Have a safe week of riding ahead gang.
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