Well, today is really an update of two halves, to borrow that old cliche… The first half proudly sponsored by vanity, the remainder by the stunning scenery and goodness of HQ for phase 2 of Dirty Mega March: Queenstown.

To put a neat bow on Phase 1 before we start frothing about what’s to come, its very timely that the PRO photos from Bike Buller turned up today, I had seen them out on the track at various stages, mainly when a few times the flashes caught me off guard and I had a mini panic I was about to be attacked by the Predator. Nothing gets the old vanity going better than other people taking photos of you right? Allow me to indulge…

To their credit, they took a lot of good photos, which meant that I had to resort to this crazy mother F Montage to spam it all over the net. As you’ll note, I didn’t really think through the DN Jersey Logo vs. Go PRO chesty mount scenario, so much for being a ‘Brand Ambassador’…


And yes, concentrating pretty fucking hard on that log…

What I’m most pleased about, aside from my clown gloves, is that its hard to tell how fingered I felt when these photos were taken, which of course was a significant theme of the 3 days. Although having said that, I think the look on the face here sums it up as Snozza uses shame/abuse to drag me around another lap of the Ball burner race:


“Come on you cunt, try to not finish 4 minutes behind me on this lap…”

Now all I have to do is resist the urge to clog up Instagram with 10 “LOOK AT ME!!!!” posts… I’m putting an APB out on the ego maniac last seen running around with JPEG files foaming at the mouth.

So, finally arrived in Queenstown and as such, Phase 2 of DM2 is officially underway. I’ve been accused of playing catch-up on inhaling as much Queenstown as I can get my nostrils on, especially when word slipped out that my first trip here was around this time last year. I had people asking me if I was adopted, or an orphan child for never having been here before… No, none of that, but its possible I may have been forceable restrained on a regular basis.

I then of course spent my entire 20’s doing an impersonation of a corporate robot, which prohibited me going anywhere cool or having those things they called ‘holidays’. I even recall that when people would tell me that I needed more ‘Balance‘ I would not just look at them like they were losers, I would actually say it to them, perhaps even with the word ‘pussy’ slipped in. How dare they interrupt my PowerPoint pack production that had too many words in it… Fucking hippy’s. Well, turns out, they were right:


Welcome back

What you see there is the view I was assaulted with in under 5 minutes from rolling out on the shakedown ride from our Local Affiliates HQ… Absolutely amazing. I know I go on and on about qTown and its scenery, but its not until you get down here and start to be part of it that you realise just how sensational it is. Its a bit like when you see someone really hot from TV in real life and they’re even hotter than they look on TV and you start frothing… JUST like that.

After another pack/transit/flight/transit/unpack/build bike day, it was time for a lazy spin around the traps to check the bike and legs, but mainly to soak up some of that qTown goodness that just wants to gush all over you. Takes very little effort to indulge in it, especially on the way out to Jacks Point:


Not really steep and no real caution needed on a Nomad

Getting out here is a simple reminder: If you haven’t been here, then prioritise it on the list ASAP… Especially if you hold any ambitions to go to Whistler. Having said that, I think the scenery is waaaaay better here. What they both provide for is status anxiety of course, as everything here is just, well, so awesome. Even more so than the Lego movie:


Found: The new DN HQ and creative space – Looking for investors

The main problem with todays ride was I ended up stopping more than a Chinese tourist bus to take photos and make ooing sounds at the scenery, seriously embarrassing, its like I’ve never seen a lake or a mountain range for fucks sake. People started to think I was German and shit (epic combo)… Behaving in such a frothed up manner no one believed I was an NZ Passport holder. More middle earth cliches here than a Lord of the Rings sex party:


Wow etc etc

Still, the upside of taking an hour and 40 mins to do a one hour ride was that everything is nice and rested for tomorrow… Race #4 on the DM2 agenda and its going to be a long one, yikes, check it:


Correct mathmotherfuckers, a full 1.5 hours long than the Ballburner that I whinged about the other day. I suspect there a little more DH action in this course, but there is definitely a climb, so not all beer and skittles I’m afraid. Having said that, it does involve the preferred method of going UP:



Officially its called the ‘Vertigo Bikes Super D‘, so technically not ENDURO, but an excellent chance to practice 6 hours of holding onto the Nomad through rad terrain. I expect I shall return a shell of a rider, especially as the Fergburger queue will most likely be too long post event to refuel properly. Stay tuned to see how it rolls!

Finally today, a massive Dirty thanks to AT and the team for hosting me in Welly, as per usual the Dirty Logistics Manager nailed it on the accom front, like a fucking legend.

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